Healing the paralyzed man /Mk 2:1-12 /

I've been just lying down for years. I don't believe in my healing..., I don't even want to be healed! I accepted it, so as it is...

Where are you taking me? What makes you think he can help? Don't you understand? It's humiliating to be in this vulnerable situation..., this helplessness. Everyone is looking at us!!!

He's standing in front of me here. I dare not look him in the eye. I close my eyes...

- Your sins have been forgiven!...

- I don't believe in forgiveness..., what I once did can't be made untrue. I wish I could! We should no longer carry the role of "guilty victim".

- ... Get up, take your bed and go home!

His voice was disappointed. Because of me? Or because of the murmurers?

"Get up." I dare not... I'm afraid of change. I'm afraid to have to face reality. I will no longer be vulnerable. I'm going to be ordinary like everyone else.

I can't believe it!!! Are my feet moving!!!

Minutes seem like hours while I'm sitting there, but I'm not moving... Now I have to move...

I look at him and he smiles encouragingly. I'm going to get up and go to next to people...

I look back: he is disappointed, but he doesn't talk or hurt me, he just hopes I'll be back one day...

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